Another glib list: 10 ways to be a contemporary artist without knowing how to draw

10: tilt-shift photography (oooo, the city / horse / waif girl looks like a toy!)
9: words mechanically produced on an image (it cost at least $50 to do this, so you better pretend to be interested by it)
8. dilapidated architectural photographs (it’s like a new building, but more ironic)
7. buy 500 of the same object and arrange it in a grid (“the artist challenges our preconceptions of everyday objects by transforming them into new realities …. “)
6. take a map and mess it up with some random information (“the artist challenges our preconceptions of everyday places by transforming them into new realities …. “)
5. a) find old photographs of whatever b) stick them in a lightbox! (hello 70% of MFA thesis exhibitions)
4. pay a shop or team of people to make art for you (“the artist challenges our preconceptions of everyday art by transforming our expectations into new realities …. “)
3. collect electronic equipment, motion sensors and projectors and apply open-source software to make them do things when people walk by (designed to impressed Luddite art writers for grant-worthy reviews)
2. make long tonal audio art works on your PC (sorry, probably a mac) at home with whispering sentences that are very personal and intimate. broadcast softly in whimsical installation that is site-specific.
1. get very good at writing and apply for public art commissions by referring to obscure French philosophers, mathematical formulas and complementing the hell out of the architect who is making the building. the resulting art should be a series of coloured squares that do not offend anyone.

… a combination of the above techniques will result in highly innovative work. apply with caution.

One comment

  1. amanda · June 5, 2010

    I like your list, it made me laugh. Can I add two more- 11) fill a room with things hanging from string, cubes are good, glass stuff- equally effective 12) don’t hide it, do small very very bad drawings, perhaps with some childlike scrawl, the naivity of the drawings acts as a foil for the complex issues they evoke.

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